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UserPassword 评论于2020-01-26 13:00:18
新年好,聊聊可好?
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标题:ZT 为什么找不到合适的人再婚? 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:文学创作 创建于:2020-01-08 被查看:298次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
离婚之后只要年龄合适,大多数人都会选择再婚。可是想要找一个合适的人再婚并不比头婚简单,甚至更难。   一、有了参照物,对再婚的期待只能是越来越高   简单地说再婚在找对象的时候会比初婚的时候要求更高些。如果你知道再婚的日子还比不上头婚,你还会再婚吗?不会对吧。   再婚的目的是为了让自己的生活过得比离婚前好,比单身的时候好,所以大多数人再婚的时候都会以第一段婚姻作为参照物。   有了对比,便有了要求。要求提高了,想要找到彼此合适的人再婚自然就难了。   二、凑合容易,合适难   什么是合适?有时候找个合适的对象结婚就像中彩票,可能买100次都是“谢谢惠顾”或者是“再来一张”。   合适的人必须是各方面都契合的人,再不济也是其中一方可以无条件地迁就妥协对方的人。可这样的人在生活中多半是可遇而不可求的,遇到了便遇到了。   大多数的再婚家庭都还只是停留在凑合的阶段,两个人努力地把日子从地上拾起来过下去。很少会去考虑对方是否爱自己甚于前夫/前妻。   三、可选择的范围小了   爱情的发生虽然具有偶然性,但是基本上如果你有过一段婚姻,再婚的时候你会发现朋友给你介绍的都是跟你一样有过一段婚姻的人。   当你可以选择的范围局限在“离过婚的人”在你对另一半还有要求,对婚姻的要求不止是凑合的情况下,想要一个合适的人再婚太难了。   除了找个合适的人再婚难,再婚的时候更要注意下面这些问题:   1.你为什么想要再婚?   经历的一段失败的婚姻之后千万不要急急忙忙地再次选择婚姻,先想想自己为什么想要再婚。理由一定不能是为了生活。   如果你再婚的目的只是因为两个人过日子比一个人容易,那你便很容易向现实妥协,从而忽略了维持婚姻的重要因素“感情”的重要性。   2.遇到了想要结婚的人不要着急结婚,可以先相处一段时间   其实,不管是初婚还是再婚两个人在决定走进婚姻之前都必须有一个充分了解的过程。一些人离婚之后,为了生活,也怕年纪大了不好再找,所以会仓促地再婚。   如果两个人没有一段时间的了解和磨合,仓促地进入婚姻,很容易又再次离婚。   综上所述,再婚比初婚难是很正常的事情,但是也并不是说就找不到合适的对象再婚。当你从失败的婚姻中彻底走出来,并且吸取了第一段婚姻的教训,重新定位什么才是适合自己的人,重新出发,一定可以再次遇见爱情。   我说说为什么女性找不到合适的再婚。   一方面,离异的女性普遍对男性都感到失望。有很多失败的婚姻都因男人的不上进,没有负责心,或是花心。   经历过婚姻的女人不敢对男人有任何的奢望,怕再一次遇到这样的人,又陷入同样的深渊,也分辩不清眼前的这个男人是否真心,有责任心和爱心,不花心,所以不敢再入雷池。   第二,顾虑太多,特别怕再婚后孩子受委屈。离婚后女性的顾虑太多,怕现在的这位瞧不起自己,会对孩子也有偏见,还会想到会不会虐待孩子。   如果男方也有孩子,那就更难相处。   一位离婚的女性说:不明白男人是怎么了,没有女人就不能活了吗?才办离婚不到半年他就娶了一个女人回家,关键是一娶带仨,这下她儿女会受罪了。听她所说,就是怕再婚后孩子受罪。   第三,再婚就怕是当保姆或生育工具。离异后的女人在男人那里就掉价了,找个同龄的人就会顺从男方一些,要照顾男方的孩子还要照顾父母,俨然就是一个保姆。   离异的男性有很多是因为前妻不能生育必须娶一个来传宗接代,那这要的婚姻是没有感情的,将就着过会更痛苦。   第四,事业有成的男人都不愿意娶离异女性。虽然男女比例严重失调,但是,现实的社会里,男人希望自己娶的老婆越单纯越好。   所以,稍微有点本事的男人或者都不希望自己的另一半曾经有过婚姻,尤其是同龄的男人更不想娶同龄的离异女性。
 
标题:婚姻故事 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2020-01-08 被查看:29次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
从请律师那一刻起,离婚的性质就起了变化。原来只是感情疏离的同伴,现在变成了剑拔弩张的仇人。以前生活中的小趣味,小顽皮,在法庭上都变成了攻击对方的武器和不可饶恕的罪恶。本来可以让孩子有更好生活的财富,滚滚流人律师口袋。 那么为什么当事人还是迈出这一步呢?因为想多要一点,因为心中的不平和怨恨。怨恨和不平就像毒药,所到之处,寸草不生。不管多少补偿和回报,在它们面前都显得不够。
 
标题:The kids resilence 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2019-11-21 被查看:271次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
The kids are always the victims of the divorce process, there is no doubt about it. The divorce shall have happened 10 years ago only if the kids have not been involved. Over the years I have been working hard to maintain an intact family for the sake of kids' benefit. What is more and more devastating over the recent years is that the kids have been taken as bargain chips and hostages as a way to punish. Adults always think the kids are careless and not paying attention to the adults business, but they are obviously wrong, on the contrary, the kids notice all the tricky business between the adults, sometimes even before the adults realize the issue themselves. A few years back, when we ran into an argument in front of the kids, both of them cried out loud, saying "daddy and mommy are going to divorce". I had to comfort them that I don't have that intention and I was trying to sort things out properly to avoid the bad situation. My daughter locked her self up in the room and claimed she'd never leave the bed if we end up divorcing. Her little brother, claimed as the socially dumbest guy in the family, tried again and again to have both dad and mom to sleep together with him without any success. All these efforts from the kids went on futilely and finally stopped, because they realized they were fighting some hurdles too heavy, so as my effort of talking ourselves into a marriage therapy going into deaf ears. The end result? When the news was announced to the kids, they cried and complained, but they just moved on--- as they long have understood the point, it is not their business at all. The only problem, as my daughter complained, "you don't have to tell me this early, I'd prefer to know this as late as possible". I said: "sorry, princess, it is not my idea at all, your mom have lots of weird ideas and this is just one of her naive attempts again".
 
标题:The papers finally get served 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2019-10-25 被查看:556次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
Never realized it could become so challenging to serve the complaint papers. I was assured this could become a cooperative divorce to make everything easier and cost down, which sounds pretty suspicious from what I experienced in the past 12 years. But I took the bait, dreaming to buy another peaceful period for the kids' sake. No surprise things easily turn around after half a year, the tone becomes if you need an easy one you better buy your way out of it. Never mind, I am not in a rush here. Divorced or not I still have a life to experience, and I still have two kids to take care. As a PhD I think I am excited to take the challenge to see how far I can go before I have no choice but to retain a lawyer. So it take about a whole month to get the papers filed (The post office can just lose your mail and refuse to apologize even if you spend a ton of money to insure and speed up the mail, amazing). Did not learn a lesson, still trying to serve the paper in a friendly way, which went nowhere but to alarm her, then it really really drove me crazy to work with a stubborn and bad-tempered sheriff. I just realize it is so hard to serve somebody legal docs when somebody intentionally refuses to take it because all it takes is to lock self in a bathroom or a room. But finally finally the papers get served and the clock can start ticking. It makes my day!
 
标题:Why is it going to be this complicated 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2019-10-09 被查看:54次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
I am in the very early stage of a divorce process, like to record the steps for the sake of other couples who struggle in a painful marriage. My best wishes and blessing to the couples who enjoy the sweet married life.
 
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