The kids are always the victims of the divorce process, there is no doubt about it.
The divorce shall have happened 10 years ago only if the kids have not been involved. Over the years I have been working hard to maintain an intact family for the sake of kids' benefit. What is more and more devastating over the recent years is that the kids have been taken as bargain chips and hostages as a way to punish. Adults always think the kids are careless and not paying attention to the adults business, but they are obviously wrong, on the contrary, the kids notice all the tricky business between the adults, sometimes even before the adults realize the issue themselves.
A few years back, when we ran into an argument in front of the kids, both of them cried out loud, saying "daddy and mommy are going to divorce". I had to comfort them that I don't have that intention and I was trying to sort things out properly to avoid the bad situation. My daughter locked her self up in the room and claimed she'd never leave the bed if we end up divorcing. Her little brother, claimed as the socially dumbest guy in the family, tried again and again to have both dad and mom to sleep together with him without any success. All these efforts from the kids went on futilely and finally stopped, because they realized they were fighting some hurdles too heavy, so as my effort of talking ourselves into a marriage therapy going into deaf ears.
The end result? When the news was announced to the kids, they cried and complained, but they just moved on--- as they long have understood the point, it is not their business at all. The only problem, as my daughter complained, "you don't have to tell me this early, I'd prefer to know this as late as possible". I said: "sorry, princess, it is not my idea at all, your mom have lots of weird ideas and this is just one of her naive attempts again".
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